THIS IS TURNING OUT TO BE A BUSY YEAR! After much debate, planning, and effort, we finally had our first Bible Study. In retrospect, the fact that everyone we spoke to wanted to have one, but didn't want to 1) help with it, 2) be part of the planning, or 3) commit to coming to it, should have given us some hint of what was to come.
Many who said they would come did not show up, and one individual who was not involved in any of the initial planning phoned the night before and said he was coming, without giving any hint that he had any issues about how it was arranged. When he arrived, he began to argue about the format, and whether anyone should lead, and so forth, and would not stop being argumentative, as the Bible Study time ticked away. It became quite an angry scene, and he ended up leaving. The stage was set for a disaster, as everyone was shaken up.
Amazingly, we managed, under the leadership of the person who had done the research and work, to have a good, useful, and educational Bible Study, where each of us contributed to the overall whole, and all had our say. Still, the emotional fallout of the fellow who had left lingered and soured the tone. Then, after the study, another person said that unless we agreed only to use the old KJV and not use commentaries, that this person would not come back, because they felt "contaminated" by these things. This person was adamant, and would have dictated to all of us what we could and could not do or bring, and yet, because the moderator made it clear that we could not bend to those demands, another angry scene broke out, and thus, the final fellowship time consisted of a small few shellshocked individuals, not least of whom was the person who'd done all the preparatory work, had done a good job, and watched it all blow up in his face.
What is going to happen now is anyone's guess. It seems everyone will return to the places they are unhappy with, places where they have put up with many things, and been accommodating, courteous, and careful what they say (not to mention, willing to put in hours of volunteer work they were unwilling to do towards what they claimed to "really want") -- yet, they felt quite justified in coming together with us and being rude, intransigent, belligerent, argumentative, and persistently aggressive! Why is this? After a year, they have done nothing but complain about wanting something more along the lines of what they can agree with, but have gone to no effort to do so; at the first effort that someone else makes, they torpedo it.
For me, I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or wind my watch. I'm not surprised the one man did what he did -- that was in character -- but he'd shown no interest all along, so it just seemed he showed up with the sole purpose of destroying the study before it got started...maybe because, as he said, he wanted to start one of his own -- but who knows? It's hard to know what motivates people, but there was nothing godly about any of the actions there, and no reason for it. I'm glad more people didn't show up! In a way, I am relieved to see what the real situation is. In this city, it seems the people we know are so emotionally damaged, have such a chip on their shoulder, and have such oddball ideas about how to proceed in any way, that they can't even come together into one place and be courteous and productive. To imagine that, under these circumstances, it would be possible to build a community of believers that could accomplish anything -- let alone the idea of a church -- is obviously completely out.
I have given up on these scattered individuals: too many have been on their own too long, and they don't know how to get along with anyone, and haven't the capacity to work together with anyone towards any accomplishments. Strangely enough, some of these people are employed by others (though many are not), so are able to conduct themselves reasonably enough not to get dismissed at work. It puzzles me how people could comport themselves well at work, in churches they have issues with, or in other situations, yet they cannot manage to muster even basic civility towards something they claim to have been missing -- real Christian fellowship with those who have more than a basic Biblical understanding.
I think of the book, "All I Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten," and I think that book should be required reading for those who want to begin again. Learning how to work and play well with others would certainly be a start. For myself, I have dealt with, taught, led, organized, and worked to salvage, too many groups of people over the years -- and I'm tired of it. Grown men and women should behave as such, and when I see them trying to suckle at the breast of anyone who offers assistance -- and then bite it -- I am disgusted and ashamed for them, and want no part of it.
People talk about the patience of Job, but I think of the patience of God, and I am never amazed at His anger throughout the Bible -- I'm amazed at all the times He refrained from becoming angry. God is well able to deal with His people, as well as those who are just masquerading and fooling themselves -- and He knows which is which, and I may well be surprised, if I knew. It's just that, in our city, there is nowhere for Sabbatarian, Holy Day keeping people to go, except WCG offshoots, and the Messianics (which would be OK, if the Messianics were not in the state they are in here).
If God wants us to gather together and do some work in this city, then He is going to have to supernaturally raise it up, and make it clear what His will is. It is obvious our attempts were not what He had in mind. It is also obvious that too many people are too emotionally damaged to be stable enough to form any kind of community. They can participate on the fringes of other communities, and criticize them, but cannot build anything themselves -- only destroy. This is the continuing legacy of Worldwide, and it is sad to see how severe the damage truly is.
What am I going to do? Will I return to my former church, where I feel less and less welcome? Will I try another one? What about the Holy Days? Well, time will tell.
It seems, for the indefinite future, that I'll go to whatever churches I can feel comfortable with, do my best, and meet with whatever friends I can for the Holy Days. So, for now, that's Church of God (Seventh Day) and the Seventh-Day Adventist Church.
